Many religious people (and those with a more advanced knowledge of psychology), know the importance of forgiveness. Many know that harbouring unforgiveness is very damaging mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
For this reason, a lot of people try to forgive – they really do try – and many would say they have succeeded in ‘letting this person go’, ‘moving on’ or ‘put that behind them’.
While the intent may be good (or even great!), it normally does not even start to address the real depth of forgiveness that is needed. And even if it does, it is virtually always missing a key element:
Compassion.
In most discussions about forgiveness, bringing up compassion often reveals that this fundamental foundation of forgiveness is missing. That is despite the fact that many of those missing this key element are followers of Jesus, the very One who highlights compassion. Consider this well known passage:
Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!
23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him.24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.
26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.
28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.
29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded.30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened.32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me.33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”
Matthew 18:21-35 (NLT)
As always, there are many levels to what Jesus said, and, depending on your understanding, you will take a different message from what you hear. 1Not that the different messages will contradict each other, but message will be appropriate for the hearer.
On the surface, Jesus gives a short parable sharing the importance of forgiveness on a personal level:
Peter, hoping show off his superior stance, states what was common ‘elevated’ Jewish teaching of the time, that we should be so Godly to forgive SEVEN times! Wow, imagine his expression when Jesus says that isn’t even close!
“Seventy times Seven”
This lofty stance is shown to be grossly off the mark according to Jesus. While you may have the same temptation as me to work out what that number is (490!), that wasn’t Jesus’ point. His point is that there is no limit of on forgiveness. We are to forgive without ceasing: no one can keep track of nearly 500 instances of forgiveness!
This, if left on its’ own would be an incredibly steep – unfair – and maybe even impossible demand. Unfortunately, many people, especially Christians, see it this way. But forgiveness has a much more powerful and ‘easier’ reality.
Looking at the above passage we can deduce two further main points:
1) Forgiveness for others is a response and duty because of the reality of being forgiven by God
Once a person has discovered the power, beauty and enormity of the grace of God, forgiving others becomes a normal, natural and appropriate response.
Consider the figures from parable Jesus uses:
With translation, cultural differences and thousands of years of separation, the gravity of what Jesus tried to communicate is easy to miss.
The first servant owed nearly $400 BILLION dollars. The point is the debt was too big to everI be paid. Unless the king forgave him, he would be doomed. This represents us, with our monstrous, unforgivable debt to God.
The second servant owed the first less than $20,000. Still not a small debt – it was a substantial amount – but only a drop in the bucket compared to the first ones’ debt. This represents when other people wrong us – the debt they owe us. Sure it hurts, there is a cost, but we have been forgiven an unforgivable debt so we should be able to easily and willingly forgive others.
When we look at how much we have been forgiven, our natural reaction – our duty – is to forgive others, They have don’t very little against us compared to what we have done against God. But without the knowledge of what we have been forgiven from, it is an insurmountable ‘task’.
But forgiveness, according to Jesus, isn’t just a task or decision, which brings us to point number 2…
2) True Forgiveness requires with Compassion
Like point number 1, this point is very, very easy to miss. In fact, if you listen to people talk about forgiveness, even listen to sermons on the topic using this very text, you will likely not hear about compassion at all.
Again, let’s listen to what Jesus’s parable states:
“a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him.”
First off, the king took account of what he was owed. Many will try to tell you to ‘forgive and forget’, to ‘move on’ and ‘leave the past in the past’, however Jesus’ advice is the opposite. To think of who you have been hurt or wronged – how it has affected you. Not as a pity party, not our of anger or to garner support or people ‘on your side’. Not to encourage or condone a victim mentality, but to take an inventory of what you have missed or had taken from you.
Jesus says to do this for a reason and it is not for vengeance or to hold it over someone – not to say here at all. In fact look at what happens:
“But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.” Matthew 18:26-27 (NLT)
The word for pity is actually ‘splagchnizomai’ 2g4697. σπλαγχνίζομαι (NASB Strongs) which actually means “to be moved in the inward parts, i.e. to feel compassion”
COMPASSION
As we are listening to this parable it is incredibly easy to gloss over this and fail to understand the depth of what is happening. “So what, the king felt sorry for this guy who was about to be thrown into jail along with his wife and children”. But if we put ourselves as observers of the actual parable, think through what is happening, we can’t ignore that this person owes the king over 380 million dollars. He has lived it up, borrowed extravagantly, been foolish and failed to pay back what he owed.
The king has been wronged, he is out of pocket and ultimately been embarrassed by this fool. The servant deserves to go to jail. It was nothing for the king to simply allow justice to be served – that would be right and normal. That is what he should have done.
Instead, he has compassion. He feels for the one who wronged him.
What about you? Have you felt compassion for the person (or people) who have wronged or hurt you? If not, according to Jesus, true forgiveness has not taken place. But please don’t be discouraged as t is not something you have to do – it is not another pressure or consequence of being wrong. .
You may have made the decision to forgive, you may have tried – and that is great – however He has something far deeper. Far more freeing – for both you and your ‘abuser’.
As can be deducted from this passage, compassion is not something that we can summon up or do through trying – that just leads to denial or suppression and often condemnation from futile attempts.
Compassion comes from the heart of the Father – the source of all love.
Only God can give you compassion for those who have hurt you, the good News He can and will. God never asks of us what He is not willing to help us with. 31 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT) The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
I have personally experienced this phenomenon and have seen others experience it as well – even towards those who instigated terrible abuse. Instead of wanting revenge, experiencing anger, torment, gagging etc – they look at their perpetrator and are filled with compassion!
It is a powerful, powerful thing to see or experience – especially if you know the pain of abuse and the futility of trying to move on at times.
It defies belief.
I want to encourage you to seek God in this – ask Him to bring you to a place where you can have compassion. If you have been severely wronged, there will be some healing that needs to take place. This may be painful, but it starts with taking stock, inventory of what it has cost you.
Then a pathway of healing. One we have seen God use regularly is Transformational Prayer Ministry. In this, God has consistently and quickly brought people to a level of healing that is simply incredible. In this context, compassion has happened quickly, automatically and without prompting – effortless and eternal!
Whatever He leads you to – we pray that you will be brought to a place of compassion and genuine forgiveness quickly.
Lord, please encourage us and give us the strength to pursue freedom. Help us to come to that place where we are free to worship You, respond to You and serve You without reserve. Help us to move on willingly for Your glory.
Footnotes:
- 1Not that the different messages will contradict each other, but message will be appropriate for the hearer.
- 2g4697. σπλαγχνίζομαι (NASB Strongs)
- 31 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT) The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.