The real reason homosexuals want marriage re-defined…and how we can relate.
The current debate has settled down to the ‘re-definition of marriage’, a definition that includes any two men and two women. If you talk to people who want this change they will be very careful to try to point out that ‘love is love’, ‘it doesn’t affect anyone’ and ‘it is about equal rights’.
But this doesn’t make sense – a huge number of people will be affected (even if you ignore the links to sex education, transgenderism, freedom of speech and religious rights), what is labelled love isn’t always love and homosexual rights have been instituted for years. Homosexuals have all the rights of a married couple in Australia.
The only thing missing is a piece of paper that says ‘Certificate of Marriage’.
A question comes to mind – what good is this piece of paper to them? Marriage is an institution that has always been opposed to homosexual inclusivity – so why would they want to be part of it?
Do they believe deeply in marriage and hold it as sacred?
I recall an article doing the rounds a while ago where a lesbian woman had married a homosexual man to try to bring light to the ‘inequality of marriage’. But to me this stunt simply shows the disdain they have for this institution. They had no ‘love’ for each other, no commitment for life to the other, and had no plans to ‘exclude all others’ from their relationship or beds.
Is it a sign of a triumph? This could be true for a number of people in this camp, but I think it goes far deeper. As a small skirmish as part of a larger war, this battle is only of contextual importance – in a few years this will just be a small stepping stone to the complete desecration of the public notion of marriage.
But personally for the individual – the homosexual barracking for this change – what does it mean to them? Not all of them are the militant, arrogant, violent people we see swearing, spitting and threatening. But they are people deeply wounded and hurting – struggling through a painful life and at times seen as the enemy when all they want or need is a friend or unconditional love.
Click to read more about how we can relate.
Is their life any more painful than any one else’s? No. Is their sin or bad choices and worse than anyone else’s? No. Is their need of love, recognition or support any different? No. And maybe that is why a lot of them look to being included in marriage.
Maybe they believe they will suddenly feel ok, loved, normal, accepted, empowered, valuable if they are allowed to get married?
I have bad news: they won’t.
I know this let-down first hand. I had many issues, pains, hardships, addictions and a very low self-worth. I don’t mean self esteem – that was high and I was popular in my small circles. But inwardly – when no one else was around, in those very few and far between short moments – I knew I was missing something. And something vital – so I searched.
And boy did I search – everything that made me feel good I pursued with a passion. I never let anyone tell me what to do – if I wanted it I went after it and got it. I can honestly say I got everything I wanted – but still I was unfulfilled.
Then one day the phone rang “Hi Adam I’m Kim – I’m actually your father”
My step dad had found my biological father and here he was on the phone. I had seen a photo of him but otherwise he was a stranger. We arranged to meet at the pub one day – that meeting happened in Greenwood sometime in 1998/99.
If someone had asked me just before I walked in “what do you think is going to change” I would have answered nothing, but deep down I would have had to admit I was expecting everything to change. Not consciously, but internally I had a belief that “if I met him & he accepted me I would be ok or valuable” or something like that.
I walked into the bar and I saw him right away – he looked familiar sort of. We probably talked, might have played pool and both got very drunk. What changed in me? Nothing. Just a stranger at the pub. We met a few times but it was not what I had internally hoped.
It wasn’t long after this I decided to end my life – but found true fulfilment in a spiritual epiphany with Jesus. But still some of these deep issues remained – they just had a new look from outside. Sure I wasn’t dealing drugs & stealing cars but I was still trying to earn my acceptance and popularity by the things I did.
It is easy to look at others and see their actions as worse than our own. Murderers, rapists, thieves, drug dealers and heavens forbid homosexuals. But I don’t believe that this is how God looks at things – in fact often the opposite.
The people in Jesus’ day who looked like they lived the best, most pious lives – who loved the law of God and wanted to please Him – were the subject of most of Jesus’ rebuke. White washed tombs is how He referred to these people – while the open sinners who dare not lift their head to heaven, walked away justified.
The other thing to note, is the struggles that we see in others – the homosexual or transgender person for instance – is often in us too, just a different slant.
To us, we look at someone dressing as the opposite sex and mutilating their body is horrendous – but what is the heart? Lack of identity and a failure to accept who or what God created them to be. Do we display the same heart? With the way we act to others, the clothes we wear, our make up, hair colour or weight? Do we do things to make ourselves feel different or be accepted to others? How does God see this – as better than the transgender person? I am not so sure.
I am not saying I think changing your gender is a good option or that the homosexual lifestyle has answers for the inner turmoil of anyone. But I am saying that we shouldn’t be quick to judge anyone as worse than ourselves, we should be quick to recognise things in us that need attention – need His direction and sanctification and even relate to those who we might prematurely judge as the enemy.
We all have certain things that we believe will make us feel (or be) ok if they happen. Some of us who were rejected look for acceptance in every way and often don’t even recognise when we’re doing it.
Others who were ignored can become very loud and self focussed, those who were abused or put down can have a tendency to hide away, those never encouraged often become perfectionists or champions – trying to gain the ‘worth’ they were actually born with but never experienced.
Obviously the above is not a complete array of human responses to pain or suffering – but there is an underlying theme: Identity.
We were all born to be loved, protected, acknowledged, encouraged – to be important and significant, to have worth…but certain events, situations and people lead us to believe lies about ourselves.
“I’m worthless”
“I’m bad”
“I am alone”
“I am weird”
There are thousands – as many as the resulting behaviours to try to mask the pain associated with them. These actions might be as subtle as finding it hard to say no to your pastor when you really don’t want to be doing a job in the church. Unfortunately, I have witnessed many wounded people used over and over in place that should be there to facilitate their healing not add to their wounding. But on the outside it looks good – pious – and helps the ‘church’ and the justification of it’s existence.
There is hope for everyone thankfully – the person and healing work of Jesus. First for His people and then for those He is calling. But we will never be able to lead them in this way until we have first done business with Him and experienced (and I would argue continually experiencing) His work in our lives.
Please don’t think you can not be used or should not speak about God or (especially) the Gospel unless x, y or z – we should all take every opportunity to speak the Gospel to everyone we meet. But if you want to walk with someone who has issues – those who have been abused, those addicted to substances (or work or sex or helping), those with different sexual preferences, those with identity issues – and see them transformed, you yourself will need to submit to that process.
You can find details of one such process here – God uses many, many ways to sanctify His people, however I have never seen Him use any process so often and regularly as this.
Christian – stand up for truth, stand up for marriage – but also stand up for your homosexual neighbours, sons, daughters – love them – lead them to the One who is Love and show them how to appropriate His grace and healing in their lives. .
Conclusion: We all need the identity that God gave us and can lead others to Him who loves to reveal His truth.
PRAYER: Lord, may we turn to You for the comfort, truth and help with any issues we face. May we respond with love, care and wisdom to those who are hurting, no matter who they are or what they have done.
NOTES: I
If you or someone you know need help or are suicidal, please talk to someone, call a hotline – a friend – anyone, right now. Death is final and you have more worth than you know. You are loved and special!
Lifeline: 131114 24 hours.
Lifelink: 08 9381 5555 / Free Country 1800 198 313 24 hours.
http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/australia-suicide-hotlines.html
Tags: Marriage, ssm, suicide, hope, healing, equality, Christianity, auspol