Today, as I reflect on Mothers Day it brings many mixed emotions and great memories. Lots of joy, happiness, surprises, but also disappointment, sadness and grief.
I look back into my childhood and all I wanted was love and attention. I remember giving my gifts to my mum that I made at school…always wondering how would they be received? Would they be good enough?
As the years went on, as a teenager who now “knew everything” and was earning money, I would look for something that was expensive enough to show her love the only way I knew how. I believed these gifts would cancel out all my unkindness and bad behaviour during the year. Would they be enough? It would never be enough.
Later, after I became a Christian (wow! – that’s a story for another time!) I got married and finally the time came when I experienced my first Mothers Day – Oh the joy !!!
I had this most amazing little human being that was perfect in my eyes and *no* expectations for my own mothers Day. Life was as good as it could be.
However, as the years went on and I had more children, my expectations grew greater and greater. I wanted to feel more loved, more appreciated and like everything I did mattered.
I wanted more and it was all about me – I was discontent and ungrateful which was reflected in my attitude. I had lost sight of what really mattered in life. The hole in my heart that was meant for Jesus to fill, I kept trying to fill it with other things to make me feel loved.
Today I still have some expectations, but as I journey with God He is helping me, refining me ever so gently and showing me how these expectations don’t help me be who HE created me to be. I am a bit of a slow learner you know but God still guides me kindly every step of the way
Back to today.. things are a bit different. It is a bittersweet time : losing my own mum now just over 18 months ago, it has brought a whole new meaning to “my” mothers Day.
I do have some sadness but also much gratitude in my heart. I am grateful for having had a mother, MY mother in my life. So many times during my life I had thoughts like ‘why God did you give me her as a mother?’ She didn’t do this or that for me! She wasn’t there when I needed her! However I do remember her saying “Just wait until you become a mother then you’ll understand”. I’m sure we have all heard this before and she was right!! It is impossible to be a perfect mother!
Now I think back to my childhood and what I needed to hear as a child from my mum and what I should have said to my mum more…
I LOVE YOU and YOU ARE FORGIVEN!!!
These two things keep coming back to my mind…
I am not sure if my mum said these words to me, I honestly don’t remember hearing or receiving them. What I do remember is when God, as my loving Father, said those words to me…
Even though I failed Him in major ways through out my life…
Even though I have failed as a daughter…
Even though I have failed my children as a mother….
Even though I am sure to continue to keep failing throughout this life….
I am completely assured of one thing:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”
Lamentations 3:20 (NLT)
My hope is not in being a good daughter, nor in being a good mother, but in the One whose love never fails.
So ladies today on Mothers Day, if there is nothing else you take away from what I am saying I want you to hear what our Heavenly Father is saying to you ..
I LOVE YOU and YOU ARE forgiven…
No matter what you have done or how much you fail, He loves you so much and wants to forgive you. So come to the Father today…
I pray that as you sit with Him this Mothers Day that He touches your heart in those deep places that only He knows about. That you would receive His words of truth and life. That you will know that you are loved, you are forgiven, you are good enough and an amazing mum but also a precious daughter to the King above all Kings and Our heavenly Father.
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