Toddlers are just soooo fun…a common scenario:
‘Find Me Dad’
‘ok I’ll look for you’
‘Help me hide under here dad’
[lots of moving things around and piling things on top of child]
’now find me dad’ (calling out from under the bed / couch you just put them in!)
And repeat this until you think it’s old. Then another 20 times. Maybe even another 20 times – it’s still not old to them!
Often they are not hidden at all and they may even just ‘hide’ by covering their own eyes – but they are convinced they are not visible.
It’s a bubble that probably doesn’t need bursting…it indicates an amazing inner yearning that is common to us all:
Find Me. Want Me. Chase Me.
“Don’t just tell me I am valuable or that you love me…SHOW ME!”
We all want to be ‘found’ by someone. We want to be noticed, we want to be acknowledged, we want to be encouraged, we want to be chased, to be found – to be loved.
God has created us all with the desire to be loved and connected – not ‘just’ with people, but with Him. Completely, intimately and continually. That may not be what you are aware of, but it was how it was intended.
The first person that should have shown you this love, attention and importance is your father. God has created the role of father to give an indication to children of what He is like and what He thinks of these precious people He cares for…
A father is what is known as an ‘image bearer’ of God.
An amazingly powerful (and scary) reality.
This means that a person will come to believe that God is like their father.
If you father is loving, forgiving and kind, you will believe that God is kind and approachable.
If your father is mean, distant or abusive, you will believe God doesn’t exist, doesn’t care or wants to punish you.
Two important points can be deduced from this:
1) Children are very, very important to God and are meant to be valued.
The child should feel important, safe, cherished, encouraged, secure and valuable.
This is the total opposite of what I entered adulthood with…
I believed that God didn’t exist – but that if ‘he’ did, he was a mongrel (but used far stronger words).
My logical thoughts were something like “How could a god let me go through what I did?” He either didn’t exist or didn’t care. To me, it was a logical conclusion.
But internally, the hidden belief was far, far more sinister and the results much worse.
It was only years later that I started to examine what I really believed that I became aware. Things that had affected and directed my life for 20+ years, and I wasn’t even aware of them!
“I am guilty, I am worthless, I am nothing”
As with many people who have had a less-than-perfect upbringing – (especially those who have been abused) – I lived with shame. I didn’t know it but boy did it drive me.
These powerful inner beliefs led me to be emotionally closed, untrusting, driven, angry but quite successful (at things I cared about). I couldn’t let anyone know that I could fail at anything.
I would avoid things I wasn’t good at, show off about things I was good at and lie about the rest.
I can honestly say these inner beliefs drove my life and nearly destroyed me, quite literally.
Once I became aware of these beliefs (only the tip of the iceberg to start with!), I tried to combat them with all kinds of things ranging from cognitive therapy to subliminal programming to shear mental willpower. All of it was useless, or at least, short-lived.
The first, huge change came for me, the week of Fathers Day 2000 when I read a book that showed me the true reason for the way I was feeling. It wasn’t because my dad left before I was born. It wasn’t because of the bad actions of others or the police having it in for me.
The state I was in, was due to my bad actions and my sin. This book, the Bible, also showed me the consequence of this sin – not ‘just’ other’s or me feeling bad & wanting to die – but eternal damnation. Hell. A place I never thought I existed. I was about to jump off a cliff to end the pain but really was about to jump into something far, far worse with no escape.
But thankfully, the Bible also describes a way out – a parachute so to speak. The sacrifice of God’s only Son, Jesus, who willingly died for me because God (my True Father) loved me so much! Unlike my earthly father, He loved me and never left even though He had every reason. He knew my sin & actions against Him but loved me anyway!
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
6 God places the lonely in families;
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.
But he makes the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.Psalms 68:5-6 (NLT)
I could never accurately describe how the experience of this love, despite my hatred and abuse of His people, completely floored me. It was more powerful than any drug, any relationship, any high speed chase, any burglary, any score – it hit me hard and brought me to tears. My life shifted in that moment and started in a whole new direction that 20 years later is still mind blowing.
2) Fathers have a responsibility to reflect the heart of God to their children.
The role, as God created it, would show genuine and unconditional love to their children, at all times(!).
Not getting angry, being manipulative, rude, distant, apathetic or not present – but being involved, focused, intimate, encouraging and gracious.
Qualities I missed as a child and often fall far short of now. But I can honestly say that today some of these things come naturally to me now. They are not an effort or a discipline, but a natural out-working of what God has done in my heart. It really is miraculous. For the first few years of parenting, I wasn’t even aware of these things, and for the things I was aware of – I had no power to change them despite being incredibly head-strong.
But instead of ‘trying harder’ or avoiding these things, I purposed to go to God deliberately for His help. At times it was in worship, at others prayer or evening praying with others, sometimes fasting. One way that God regularly used for me was ministry, where the very root cause was miraculously removed by God’s Truth (Jesus!). This was far, far deeper than mere quoting scriptures, cognitive therapy or (what many think is) self discipline.
“When God does it – it is done!”
To start with, I knew some of the things that I needed to do as a father – I knew some of the things I missed. But I had no idea how to be a father, as I could not yet even be a son. I knew the quip ‘God wanted human beings, not human doings’ but I didn’t know how to break out of that. It was who I was. Or so I thought.
If that is you, I encourage you: everything you say, everything you do, every tiny little bit of effort you put in as a father: it is all worth it!
Your children need you, your input, your ideas, your experience, your wisdom, your direction, your time, your correction, your encouragement: go forth and find that child!
For those of us who have the honour of doing that to other developing humans – it is incredible. What a privilege! But there are many who don’t have the blessing of one or more parents pursuing them or showing them the love they innately desire.
There is One though, who loves to chase, who loves to show His love no matter what. Who loves to forgive. His name? Yahweh, aka God, but not to be confused with the many notions, religions and false ‘gods’ that also try to use this title. He has no equal.
Conclusion: The Father, His involvement in our lives is of utmost importance!
PRAYER: Lord, thankYou for being a Father first & foremost. ThankYou for Your love and especially for Your forgiveness, despite the fact that we deserve death. Please help us to address the things that hinder us and use all our feeble attempts for our children. Let them know how important they are to You – let them know that they are loved. Especially those we no longe have access to, please protect them and guide them despite our distance. Have Your way…
NOTES: I