The other night we traveled to a Cedar meal, celebrating and remembering the Jewish Passover. It was the first time in a while I had driven due to worsening back issue.
Being unable to sit and in immense pain, I knew it would be a difficult night after the drive. I was right – and didn’t arrive home until midnight… Impossible to describe.
But the pain, effort and immense discomfort were not the hardest part of the evening. Towards the end of the evening, I was called to the front. Guessing around 100 people who I have rarely seen, gathered around me to pray. Showing love they called out to God on my behalf, laying hands on me and praying.
In a time where many people I thought would have cared & supported but haven’t, you might think that I would enjoy this gesture. But no.
It is such a humbling and even humiliating thing for me to not be able to walk properly, not to be able to concentrate due to the pain, to be around people after having pain killers, to not be able to contribute or help or serve. It is incredibly hard to be here let alone be the focus!
In this moment, I am at the lowest of the low, not even able to ask God for my own healing. But I can feel people’s love, their genuine concern. And, more than that, I can feel God’s presence. Big time!
But I am not healed, the pain is so intense I have to concentrate to stay upright. Each step has to be deliberate, yet is very timid.
I hate what it means for my family, I hate how far behind I am in everything. I hate being confined to the house, and many times to a bed, writhing in pain. But I have no fear of evil, no fear of the outcome whether things change or not and have no fear of death. I know it will be good for us eventually, no mater ‘it’ is.
Lord, I know You are here, I know You love me, I know these people have faith that You can heal, I know I am secure in Your hand, I know I will be with You forever in Your Kingdom.
Please give me strength to be here for my wife and children if that is Your will.
Please heal me if it is in Your will.
But if this is Your plan to bring up my insecurities, to help my wife or children grow, to uproot sin, for my refinement, whatever it is, please do not stop.
Be glorified, be honoured in my life, here, now, today, tomorrow. Somehow let me point to You, to Your goodness, Your love, Your grace.
I deserve death, I deserve hell, please let me serve You in holiness and freedom despite my pain.
I think of how I am so low, so wounded, so disabled.
The exact opposite of the lambs that were to be chosen and killed for Passover that we now celebrate.
The lambs had to be perfect, without any spot or blemish and had to be 1 year old – at their very best.
A foreshadow of the lamb of God, Jesus, who would be killed while in the prime of His life on the very date of the same passover. In fact He died at the same time as the lamb had been killed every year.
He was perfect in every way, never having sinned, and being Himself God the Creator.
But He willingly gave up His life, He was rejected by everyone, tortured and killed, naked and dying on a death stake. The glorious, majestic, powerful Son of God, had submitted Himself to a gruesome death and something far worse. Suffering the wrath of God would be ‘topped’ with a greater revelation of this punishment.
Because He died on a ‘tree’, He took on sin, your sin and my sin – past, present and future – all of it.
Our Lying, Our Stealing, Our Envy, Our Greed, Our Lust, Our Adultery, Our Gluttony, Our Hatred, Our Disrespect of our Parents, Our ignoring God, Our misusing His name – all lumped on Him.
That sin, separated Jesus from His Father – something far worse than the physical reality of being nailed to a tree.
The brutal beating, the whipped and gouged flesh, rubbing against the splintered wood, the agony of the nails and trying to breath all took a second place.
“Father, Father, why have you forsaken me” He cried out loud.
Separated from His Father by our sin. The greatest chasm in all of history, resulted in the most glorious bridge.
Imagine that – us, as weak, flawed, full of failure and sin, responsible for Him going through so much, are offered *complete* forgiveness, perfection and a new identity. It cost Him everything, but we get it for free.
Instead of certain judgement for sin, He offers a clean slate, total purity.
Instead of an eternity in a very real hell, He offers a place in His restored Kingdom.
Instead of being left to fend for ourselves, He offers His Spirit to comfort, guide and give wisdom.
Instead of the empty inheritance of our earthly family, He offers adoption into His family.
Instead of loneliness, sorrow, regret and shame, He offers perfect, complete and unconditional love.
He offers everything in exchange for nothing.
I pray that my spiritual reality would be yours this Easter.
#thankYouJesus
#Easter
#Passover
#JesustheLamb
and thank you so much to those who have shown love and stood for me when I /we can’t