If, for whatever reason, you don’t have a good relationship with your dad, I understand.
Not in a cliche, pseudo-psychological way, but in a real, understanding and experiential way.
I know how much of the below is totally hidden, almost all of the time; but inwardly these thoughts lurk and at times, they rear their head. Through even the most epic lifestyle, most hardcore addiction or best suppression techniques some of these things break into our reality. Sometimes repeatedly.
I know how you:
– tell yourself it doesn’t matter,
– yearn for it to not be your fault,
– put your own slant on the things your dad did / didn’t do,
– convince yourself you are better off without him,
– constantly focus on other things,
– try to succeed at everything,
– have a perfectionist streak,
– work against constant procrastination,
– struggle with health / pain
– internally build yourself up,
– are never happy with yourself,
– never feel complete
If you are honest and quiet long enough, you know that despite your best efforts, there is something key that is missing.
Although I never met my biological father until I was 20 something, it wasn’t until I did that I realised meeting him would change nothing. Sure he looked kind of familiar. Sure he was an alcoholic womaniser like me.
But it did *nothing* for me to have finally met him. Why? Wasn’t this the missing piece I had one tried to ignore? Out simply, no.
The truth is, that if your father has been distant, absent (physically or emotionally), abusive or non existent, your soul and mind have taken a huge hit. Sure, you may never have known any different, but your were designed for an opposite reality.
You were designed to live in a secure, loving and encouraging atmosphere created by a devoted husband and wife, building you up, providing for you, protecting you, teaching you, disciplining you and championing you through life’s curved balls.
For me, it is hard to even imagine what that might have looked like in my formative years. But after raising 6 children over the last 18 years, I now have a clear idea of the huge difference it would have made.
I plan to share a lot on this topic, but for today I just wanted to encourage you and let you know that this ‘missing piece’ is closer than you think. And the best bit – it is not reliant on your father, whether he is alive or dead, whether you forgive him or not and certainly not on how much effort he puts in. (Thankfully!).
The last words I heard from my biological father? I first met him when about 20 years old. After I met with him a second time, I rang him to see if he wanted to come to my wedding…
His reply:
“Adam I never wanted children and I still don’t. Please don’t call me again”
I respected his wish, I never contacted or heard from him again. As far as I know he is now dead.
I could speculate as to why he gave this response… The first time I met him I was a total drunk like him: we got along well, played pool, flirted with women and it seemed that we could have some kind of contact.
The second time though, less than a year later, was very different. I had had an amazing awakening. I no longer drank and I now had the missing piece that he couldn’t provide. I was more complete and didn’t need his input or approval. I felt for him and told him that I forgave him…
I let him know that many bad things happened to me because he left, things that had nearly destroyed me. I saw tears well up in his eyes when I said that I forgave him & had no bad feelings. Maybe it was too much? Maybe he found relationships too difficult? Maybe he just didn’t like me as a person? Regardless that isn’t the point…
The point is, I want you to experience what I did. What changed so much in less than a year that now I could think clearly about these things? And even if I was rejected because of me, who I was, I was fine, totally at peace.
From hopeless drunk, looking for approval, feeling insecure, desperate for the ‘missing piece’ of who I was, to clear headed, secure, confident, compassionate, wanting to forgive, the change could not have been more stark.
And I want you to have the same experience. Seriously. I don’t want your money. I am not a therapist. I don’t have some amazing tablet, vegetable or exercise routine. In fact, it’s the same me with all the same faults and inabilities. There’s just One major change:
Stay Tuned or contact me if you want to know more…