Tonight, I had a very bizarre experience…
I was talking to an aunty about Jesus and all He had done for me when she blurted out:
“But you lie for the Lord”
I was intrigued. “What do you mean?”.
She went on to explain that I have presented myself as a drug addict that lies in the street with a needle hanging out of their arm, while she thought that I was just a ‘normal teenager who experimented with drugs'(!).
I was completely taken back… I remember this aunty pleading with me not to leave family Christmas parties as I was too drunk. This aunty had seen how abusive I was to my dogs and thought I should never own a dog let alone have children. She had seen me in court facing serious charges and a lengthy term. She was at my 21st, where everyone was under the impression that I would not be alive in a year.
But obviously she had no idea of just how bad things were for me.
Depressed & suicidal, unable to survive without drugs or alcohol.
Uptight & oppressed I could not sleep until I passed out.
Chasing the next big rush, no regard for myself, others or the law injuries & consequences mounted up.
Unable to cope with the pain, willing to do or use anything to survive.
Desperate to connect and be loved all I could do was control & abuse.
Demonic voices, incessant chatter, extreme paranoia.
Utter torment, eventually the desire to survive shifted to a resolve to die.
I wanted it over.
But this was supposedly normal??!! NOOOO!!!
It certainly was not (and is not) – thankfully.
While I may not have found myself with a needle in my arm on the street (as far as I know I never injected), I was a lost soul, doomed and presumably destined for an eternal extension of the hell I lived…
BUT NO!!
Despite all my bad choices and sin,
Through all the valleys and darkness,
Reversing all the hopelessness and addiction,
Due only to His love and grace…
Jesus made a Way!
#night2day
#mourning2dancing
#death2life
#darkness2light
#thankYouJesus
Please pray for my aunty Merrill (not her real name), that she would be reminded of His love for her and ability to reverse the consensus of her actions for her and those around her…
ThankYou Lord for loving us despite our bad actions. ThankYou for Your grace and love, even though we deserve the opposite. In Your mercy, rescue those around us from the futile pursuit of things that trap.