It was 23 years ago today I discovered I had a Father. A real, tangible Father that had never left me, always protected me and gently guided me, despite my determined rebellion. It made an instant, lasting difference.
– My biological father left before I was born – leaving me insecure and chasing identity. I met him when I was in my 20s for the first time. After seeing him a few times I asked if he would want to come to my wedding. His reply is the last thing I heard him say:
“Adam I never wanted children and I still don’t. Please don’t call me again”
– Father figures in the cult didn’t offer much, having their own families & responsibilities, some did far worse – leaving me with an intense hatred of authority.
– By the time I got a step dad at around 12, I was a real handful and in a mess. This man, having just become a Christian, tried His best to persist. He really did try and model what a good father looked like – but I reared up against him.
“How dare you love me enough to set limits and discipline me?”
It wasn’t until the Father in Heaven broke through my hard heart that I could connect to ‘dad’ – but boy what a difference!
Although difficult, He has enabled me to stick around for my children, to give up my own desires and be here for them. I am so grateful that God changed and empowered me – my old life and this one could not be further apart.
#thankYouJesus
Praying you have an incredibly blessed Fathers Day – even if you *only* have the One above…may you find tangible and complete peace in His care today.
The Story…
I will never forget the look on Frans’ (not her real name) face: a Maori lady, who it turns out was actually very friendly. But here, she stood behind the door, using it to shield herself from me. Maybe she thought I was here to do wrong…
To be fair, I would have looked pretty rough. I had been in the bush (literally) or weeks, and just emerged due to about 300 ‘coincidences’. Long unkempt dreadlocks, likely covered in dirt, cuts and bruises, bare feet, I was asking: ‘is there a church here’?
“Yes” was the uncertain reply, however the door wasn’t opened to me. “Can I come in then?”
Hesitantly, she slowly opened the door, keeping her eyes on me. A strange feeling as I had long hated ‘Christians’ and avoided anything religious.
But I had been on a trip to end my life. I ended up on a cliff North-East of Newman. I had been sober for between 2 and 6 weeks, when I had a unexpected encounter with God…
Reading a book I hated with a passion (the Bible) I was suddenly confronted with the fact that I had done bad things and that these things were against a ‘God’ I was adamant did *not* exist.
As a drug addict & dealer, I had done many things that were against other people. Sure I could justify them, (they had insurance, I didn’t assault people, mostly businesses etc), but really I was deceived. Until this moment.
Immediately I was aware that my sin was actually against God, not humans. He actually existed(!!).
Deeply convicted for the first time, I understood that this God should have killed me. I was aware that I really did deserve to go to hell. But instead, He showed me that He offered me life: He sent Jesus to die in my place *despite* knowing that I would do all these bad things against Him and His people.
Although living a high energy life, being high on alcohol and drugs, chasing the next high or being in high speed chases, *nothing* compared to this. This was the most powerful, deep, emotional, confronting and healing thing by a huge gap.
Anyway – a long story short, a week later here I was, trying to get in to a *church*!! (?). There was a huge number of things that happened during the week to ‘guide’ me here – and now she doesn’t want to let me in?! 🤣
It was 23 years ago to the day *today* that this happened. Fathers Days, the year 2000.
I had no idea about it being Fathers Day. I had no idea of who God was and I certainly didn’t think He would be in ‘church’.
But now, I had been confronted with this real God and He actually cared. About me, a nobody, a degenerate, an abuser. He was changing me so that I wanted to help people(!) and I didn’t want to do bad any more (double !!). Crazy.
As soon as this church service started, I could feel the presence of God. It was a large community hall, with only a small number of chairs up the front, maybe 4 or 5 adults & a handful of children. A tiny tape player up the front , yet I could feel the same presence of God I had become accustomed to in the ‘bush’ as I read the Bible for the first time.
Alone with my faithful dog, I spoke only to him and this imaginary ‘God’. Imagine my surprise when He responded (God not the dog!).
I could talk for hours about my experiences that day, that week, that month – suffice to say, it was powerful that changed the whole trajectory of my life.
My prayer is that you would have the same encounter, whether you are a son or a brother or a father. There is One who cares.