Does a jar ever say,
“He didn’t make me”?
or
“The potter who made me is stupid”?
Nope – but that’s exactly what I did…
Convinced there was no ‘god’ based on the actions of others (if ‘he’ existed why would ‘he’ let me suffer) – I determined to do *whatever* felt good.
Chasing good feelings, fun – adrenaline – wild times and being drunk / drugged up seemed like the only option and a mostly enjoyable one.
“If it feels good do it – and do it some more…”
Problem was, the more I did ‘it’ in various and copious forms, the less great it seemed. More and more I needed to do it until ‘doing it’ drove me. The momentum was impossible to stop as life spiralled down with ever worse consequences.
Eventually, this ‘life’ seemed so painful and futile that I wanted it to end and set off with that goal.
Thankfully, the God I had ignored, reasoned away and abused was there not wanting to punish and condemn, but waiting to reveal His love and forgiveness! He had been there the whole time protecting, waiting patiently and watering the seed along the way.
Many, many, tiny, abstract and bizarre little times where He was saying ‘see I’m here’ yet I would ignore and not realise til years later.
I Am Here
A blind and arrogant jar, definitely deserving of being smashed, (and close to it) but instead He showered love on me:
‘Yes you deserve death – but I love you’
‘Yes you have done bad over and over – but I forgive you – I sent My Son to die for you’
#Amazinggrace!
Wow how my perspective changed – finally understanding that He gets to decide what I am used – or destroyed – for.
Lord, ThankYou for Your love and mercy. ThankYou for Your truth – May we understand who we are in relation to You and be happy being the type of jar You created.