Part way through a hectic and problematic week, a trip to Perth turns ‘sour’ – but it is just the beginning…
The good in the ‘bad’…
Scripture(s): Psalm 32, 51
A day of prep for a long drive to the pro-life rally yesterday, didn’t quite go as planned… If there is one event of the year that I believe all Christians of all denominations and theological backgrounds should attend or be part of – it would be on the theme of defending the lives of precious children and standing against their mass, legal, murder.
To say I was excited about going this year (only the second time I have been) would be an understatement. The excitement nearly drowned out the nagging questions I have about why there aren’t 20 times as many people going…
The kids were pumped too. As we normally do when we travel to Perth, we arranged to pick up many supplies that we needed. As it is a relatively long drive and driving aggravates me physically (no not road rage, I have neck & back injuries!) we try to do it all in the one trip and then I can take a day or two to (hopefully) recover. Nothing different for this – apart from the excitement, the deep sense of conviction and an emotional acknowledgement of the hurts and pains of people in & around this issue.
- Warm clothes & pyjamas? Check!
- Extra water for the trip? Check!
- Sandwiches and nuts to nibble? Check!
- Portable stove & kettle for a hot drink afterwards? Check!
- Tracts, DVDs, Bibles, model 12 week old babies? Check!
- 4 Excited kids & a baby? Check!
- Trailer loaded & places arranged to pick up supplies on the way / way back? Check!
- A car that will blow up and seize ⅓ of the way down? CHECK!
Amazing how a simple oversight can have such dramatic consequences and ‘spoil’ our plans…but equally amazing how the providence of God can be seen despite what seems ‘bad’.
That’s right before we even got to Wanneroo (our first stop in suburbia), the car suddenly lost power, this caused a glance at the oil gauge to see it was on 0, so I immediately turned off the engine. Thankfully someone saw my indicator & let me in so we were able to get off the road without an accident – but what was going on?
A quick look under the bonnet it became evident, the sump plug had dropped out, this was major. Diesels don’t like having no oil! And immediately I knew why – I had asked one of the kids to tighten the bolt after we serviced it. They got distracted by an oil spillage and never tightened it. I never checked their work, so the vibration eventually led to the plug falling out.
To say I was disappointed was an understatement – and a little angry. At myself (I even had the picture of us breaking down before we left – which should have been enough to check twice, let alone once!), at the child and even at my wife – thoughts like ‘why haven’t you been diligent in training them to be obedient’ came to mind (!). The child involved was upset and needed love – they also needed to know that they were not responsible. But my words & actions didn’t reflect that immediately.
Before I go on, I’d like to pause right here – because right here is the location where I believe our true beliefs, our true self is evident. It is this part of us, the way we are in these moments and who we are that our children absorb, learn from, suffer from, model and eventually become. It doesn’t matter how good our theology is, how many parenting courses we have done, how much we protect them from x, y or z, how much we suppress what we are feeling & think they don’t notice or try to convince ourselves that our ‘explanation and apology’ has kept them safe and on track…who we are right here, is a tiny glimpse at what they are living with most days – and more if we homeschool.
This situation may look very different for you depending on your ‘triggers’ – for you it might be a child breaking something when being foolish, or everyone talking at once when you are trying to talk to a client, on the phone or people picking their noses, or disrespecting other children… but we all have different things that (for whatever reason) really get under our skin.
You will find many websites, teachings, techniques and even professional / academic ‘solutions’ to these things – but they all have one thing in common:
They all require you to do this or that, to control the situation, the other person yourself or suppress the feelings that arise. All these futile methods are rooted in you, your effort, your resolve, your remembering, your control, your denial, your response.
What I am about to say is completely different. And you may not like it. It involves you facing the real issues that affect you on a day to day basis, things that you likely have spent a lifetime avoiding or suppressing. These things may seem too hard, too painful, too big, too far away and you may have a mis-guided belief that you should ‘let sleeping dogs lie’ or ‘forget the past’. The problem is, the past does not forget you!
For those with a belief that you should forget the past based on a Bible passage (Phil 4:3) let me say that this verse says pretty much the opposite of how you have interpreted / used it. God doesn’t ask us to use our will or effort to suppress things that are real for us – but He promises to be the peace for us – and His will is that we have true, lasting peace in every situation – not a self-summoned suppression, but a peace that surpasses all understanding.
Another common one is Romans 12:2 about being transformed by the renewing of your mind – we often think it is us and our effort that transforms the mind! Sure, we can program and at some level change elements of our mind – but transform? There is more to it. But I have tried! – I have read and re-read the scriptures (a lot!), I have soaked in the spoken Bible (ie sleeping and working with it playing constantly), I have repeated phrases over & over, I have fasted and prayed and prayed some more, I have got prayer over & over – then when the same thing happens – the same result!! I can say it is futile – don’t give up on it if this is you – keep going – but let me say there is more for you!
People who try to live this often reflect a few common traits: they try to control situations to avoid the triggers, they react at people around them when those people violate their desires, they believe that ‘non-happy’ emotions are bad and should be avoided or controlled, will often get annoyed or angry instead of experiencing fear or sadness, are uncomfortable around others who are (what they see as over) emotional and are often very head-’strong’.
When we look at the way the most incredible human acted and re-acted, we see none of these traits. In fact, we see a compassionate, emotional, connected and peaceful person when we look at the vast information we have about Jesus Christ.
While we will never walk as He did (at least this side of eternity!), we can be transformed more and more into His likeness. The more we are, the more we will experience true peace, true compassion, true joy and react less and less. We will not need to suppress, control or deny things – the negative reactions will simply not be there.
A simple example is for someone with a fear of heights. Many would avoid going up on high places, some might repeat phrases, try hypnosis, pray, or simply grit their teeth & try to suppress the fear when it arises. But if God deals with the reason for the fear, when said person goes up to a high place, the fear will simply not be there. No reaction, no fear – just peace and the ability to enjoy the view.
But to get to this stage, there is a process, a journey, where we need to intentionally go to God to deal with these things. Many will say they are and have and for that we say well done – keep going!
But we also want to encourage you to look at whether you are actually doing that. We’re not talking about managing issues or reactions, we’re not talking about getting a set of things to do or repeat when you are stirred up and we are not talking about someone else telling you what you should do or what they think God wants you to know.
We have found that much of what other people think God wants you to know is in fact, just their own ideas, based in their own unmet needs and issues. And it does not help.
“If you have to check, manage. control or tell your feelings, fears, sadness to stop / go away – the issues causing them are NOT dealt with! Management is not all that God has for you…”
But what if you could hear what God actually wants you to hear? What if He fully resolved the things that hinder you hearing from Him or going to Him naturally and constantly? What if the things you knew logically of God, of who He is and what He thinks of you was miraculously translated to your heart?
I can tell you – you will be amazed – and transformed – in areas you thought impossible. And for those around you (especially the children) who have taken on their own lies causing pain, from your reactions in the past, God can use this technique to help them too.
When we react emotionally to a situation we often know we are over-reacting. We might have the thought during or afterwards – ‘how silly – who cares’ – we may know logically that we shouldn’t be reacting this way…so what is the problem? Much of our emotional pain we feel today has nothing to do with today. Todays situation has just triggered a response – often a painful one.
Let’s use an example – your child runs towards the road…there is a car coming – you scream and run to grab them just in time. The first thing you do is yell “don’t you ever do that again”. Why the anger? In that moment before you had your child – you felt something so painful / scary that your mind said ‘I’m not staying here’ and responded in anger. Anger doesn’t feel as bad as hopeless, powerless, dread etc.
But what about a situation where a simple thing evokes a response? Let’s use heights as that has already been brought up. I used to have this – in a plane, when I had a lesson to fly a helicopter – I had an intense fear of heights. I kid you not. Who knew – no one. Really I hadn’t admitted it to myself either! I knew logically that this bridge, balcony, helicopter etc was safe – but each time I got this weird giddy, vertigo feeling. My response – ignore it – suppress it and ‘be brave’.
What was happening? Well the height was just a trigger…but the real issue or pain was coming from a time when I was very young were I actually believed I was going to die. Not a devastating abusive memory or a car crash or something severe – a simple situation where I interpreted I was not safe. Now, 30 years later my mind gets a trigger in the present and connects to that same believe “I am going to die” and the emotions follow, just as they were designed to do.
The answer – get ministry! In ministry the very root of this event is dealt with – but not by a person or your own effort! And when dealt with – it is gone for good.
For more details see www.wildeden.com.au/ministry
Ok, back to the story: Sharmini was explaining to the child involved that it was not their fault. They were sad so I hugged them and told them the same, re-affirming my love for them. Although on the surface it seemed to help, the mere temporary calm in this child was in no way dealt with by our management techniques. You’ll see this later clearly – but for now the child was calm and content and back to their normal self – starting to engage with the exciting adventure that was developing.
What to do? The first thing we did was pray over the car…once everyone had finished I made the decision to run and get some oil and a new sump plug. Running flat out in the cold air next to Wanneroo Rd in peak hour was a mistake – the fumes were a stinging contrast to air the way it was intended! The kilometre or so return journey seemed much longer with 10Kg of oil – thankfully someone stopped to pick me ½ way back.
We put the sump plug in (thankful for the leatherman!), filled up with oil and I prepared the children for the worst – this wasn’t likely to work! Sure enough the motor was seized completely.
Now it was about how to get the Troopy back home, with the trailer. I also started calling people I had given my word to about picking items up. Interestingly, the tilt tray driver who had done us good deals in the past could not take the trailer so we had to look for different alternatives…
After a great deal of phone calls friend offered to lend us a car – but it had mechanical issues. He would use his other car. He came to pick me up, dropped off his children and we went to pick up his other car – which then wouldn’t start. I won’t go on – but you get the picture – lots of issues!
We eventually arrived back to the Troopy with a running car and proceeded to empty everything we needed for the night – and made the decision we would press on to the pro-life rally.
Pushing the trailer by hand through the deep sand to the edge of Wanneroo road was hard, but it was as if we had special help – it was far easier than I thought (it is a dual axle heavy duty trailer, very heavy and not easy even on the road). We arranged the tilt tray to pick up the Troopy and left her on the side of the road…how sad!
The next day – pushing her in…maybe for the last time. 😢
The lent car had issues – but they pointed towards a lack of auto fluid, so we topped it up at the servo and set off. It was now 7pm – the scheduled start of the rally…but we were in good spirits and still excited that we could still make it.
We arrived in Perth and went straight to Parliament house – a short 1km or so walk from where we managed to park. Although it was great to be there and hear the stories – I had a continual nagging thought: where is everybody?
The other thing that was glaringly obvious to me was the fact that this vitally important event gets virtually no exposure – in the media, in churches – anywhere. If you want to protest or rally for stray cats, whales, ocean temperatures, childcare funds, vaccines, refugees – anything – you will get a voice and coverage – but try to protect innocent human life and there will be a deliberate attempt to ensure you are not heard or seen. I guess that is just like the procedure itself – initially allowed when people thought a foetus was just a clump of cells, people now do not want to acknowledge the gruesome reality.
And I do understand them – this is a hard thing to do – especially when you are responsible for doing the same yourself. This is not the point of this post – but to touch on it briefly, we both have separate history in this ghastly ‘solution’ – and as God has dealt with us in ministry, we have connected with the abhorrent nature of our deception and sin. The grief and regret are huge – yet so is the touch of His forgiving hand. Each abortion is such a waste of so many lives – so much grief and guilt – though often suppressed just the same as we have been talking about for other areas.
But if this relates to you – please don’t continue to ignore it because of what it may mean for you – God can’t forgive if you have not taken stock (confessed and repented) of your sin . If you are ignoring it or suppressing it – it is not dealt with!
But you desire honesty from the womb*,
teaching me wisdom even there
(Psalms 51:6 NLTSB)
from the womb:Or from the heart; Hebrew reads in the inward parts
(Psalms 51:6 NLTSB Notes)
* Yes, what joy for those
whose record the L ord has cleared of guilt,
whose a lives are lived in complete honesty!
* When I refused to confess my sin,
my body wasted away,
and I groaned all day long.
* Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Interlude
* Finally, I b confessed all my sins to you
and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, “I will confess my c rebellion to the L ord.”
And you d forgave me! All my guilt is gone
(Psalms 32:2-5 NLTSB)
The rally is important – a legal and democratic way to stand up for the value that God puts on life – so we stayed to the end. Not being that cold (relative to where we live in caravans!) we were too hot for a hot drink so left to start picking up the goods we had arranged.
The first was a double bed. We needed this for a caravan for people to stay in (after ministry at times it is too late for some to drive home) and a queen was too big. We drove to Vic park only to find it was actually a queen size. The guy had promised to take it apart though we arrived to find a fully assembled bed – our tools in the Troopy and he had none. Again, thankful for the leatherman, we managed to take the bed apart and have it loaded in ten minutes – got to love IKEA! Although it was not right for what we needed, we thought we were meant to buy it – and only found out 2 days later why…
We picked up various other things – one being a battery for our old commodore. This car had gotten to a point where it lived ‘on charge’ and could not be turned off when we went out. At times it refused to start – and it had taken 3 months to find a second hand battery for it. And now we really needed the Commodore to start! It was likely going to be a long time before the Troopy would be going again – if at all. One could say that is was an amazing coincidence that this battery came up the very day we needed it – we know better than that though!
The last thing on our list was another bed – that we had to load in the dark in silence as the shift worker who thought we were coming at 9:30 had left it out the front of his window for us to pick up.
We arrived home a few minutes before midnight – tired but relived to see the Troopy sitting out the front with no damage.
We sat in the kids room for a while talking and joking with them before we went to do the lock up rounds for the chooks etc. It was a precious time.
What would tomorrow hold? How would we do this or that? We no idea – but we did know who was in control and that he had (and has) our very best interests at heart. Whatever was going to happen, car or not – He would be using it for good!
To cut short the next few days, it was hectic. Of the things I can remember – we worked on the Commodore to try to make it reliable. We serviced the car that had been lent to us. We tried to fix our hot water system that had stopped working, we tried to help facilitate a fathers relationship with his daughters and we were able to give that bed to someone in the community who’s house had caught fire & all the beds were damaged!
But amongst this there were a couple of memorable events: the largest was getting a letter with a $100 fine for not handing in the rego plates on the Commodore. This made no sense – the Commodore was licensed…or so we thought. It turns out that our address for this car was not changed (well it was but they didn’t change the postal address!). Nothing had come to tell us the rego was due, overdue or expired, but now a fine rocked up – with the old address still on it…
Anyway it turns out the Commodore had been unlicensed for 5 months or so. I am very thankful with my history that I never got pulled up in that time! So now we had no car at all. But we did have peace! There was a moment for about 2 minutes when there was a little tension, a little defensiveness to do with blame, but nothing like it used to be – we were together and it was all ok. We weren’t trying to manage ‘stress’ – we just didn’t know what was next…
The predominant emotion to do with all this development with the cars (or lack of them) was excitement. What was God going to do? We couldn’t do anything…
To see what God does…stay tuned!
Conclusion: He is Faithful – and loves us to KNOW it!
PRAYER: Lord I thank You that You have given us an avenue to deal with the issues that hinder and harm us. Help us to face You with our issues in honesty, even when things seem ok and we are on a high. Thank You that you care and as You transform us we really notice the differences, we can connect with you more and more – and have peace in what could seem like hard or even bad times. It is amazing to connect with You in the ‘valley’ as it is actually a comforting place – the valley disappears in the shadow of your radiance. Thank You that Your will, Your timing and Your love is perfect. What else can we say, but thank you!