An incredibly hard week and even harder day, the funeral of my mother in law, Teresa.
I am so proud of Sharmini and the strength she showed in the preparation for the funeral despite the emotional pain of loosing her mum.
Then showing such courage and sharing so deeply about her mum at the funeral.
Also very proud of our children, from feeling with the emotional pain of loosing their beloved Nanna, to supporting Sharmini and extra chores while their mum travelled to make continual visits, to one of them postponing their birthday, to 4 of sharing at the funeral in front of a large crowd of Teresa’s friends and family – lives she touched with her continual generosity.
Here is the message / Eulogy I tried to share:
A famous photographer was once asked ‘how can I take a good photo’
He replied – get closer, closer, now, get closer still.
If I had asked Teresa how long my speech should be today she would have said ‘make it shorter Adam, shorter, shorter still…’
I tried to get it down 5 minutes, but thought she would be ok to give a few extra minutes as I would be talking good about her.
Amazing lady – we have heard over & over from other people this morning her generous and thoughtful ways. But my first impression of her was standing firm with her arms crossed. Not physically – she was still inviting and polite – but internally I could sense her saying:
“who is this white Jesus freak Aussie yobo and what does he want with my daughter. “
When I think back I don’t blame her – when I met Sharmini, I probably came to the door wearing board shorts and t-shirt. Well I hope I had a shirt on. And I probably was in bare feet – a pet hate of Teresa’s. I had long dread locked hair and definitely not good for her daughter.
I didn’t help that I drove an old beat up Landrover. Nor that shortly after we met it broke down so I had to borrow her car.
I’ll never forget her face when they came to visit the church Sharmini and I were to be married in the week before…they were confronted not with a church that was ready and neat but to women, mess and cement mixers in the foyer.
Moving into my parents house after being married didn’t install confidence and moving 3 hours from Perth into a literal paddock in old caravans only made it worse.
But over time she warmed to me as she started to accept our lack of concern for material things. I think she saw that I could provide for Sharmini in other ways.
Well it was either that or maybe because we kept popping out wonderful grandchildren for her to dote over…
Every time I saw her she was giving – taking food to her work as a nurse or to church or family gatherings. It became normal that we would say we needed to leave 30 minutes before we did so that we could pack the car with all the food and gifts that Teresa and Puvi would have prepared or made for our visit.
I felt a real connection with Teresa – I understood some of the ‘why’s’ – why she was so protective of her daughter, why she was so concerned that everyone had enough food. I remember her talking about her younger years and how at times there wasn’t enough food – how visitors at times would get that food. Many would have become hoarders, but not Teresa – she turned that outwards with a concern for others and a willingness to give and give.
I really respected Teresa’s willingness to tell the truth and understood (and maybe even shared) her lack of tack at times. I know many people find ‘the mother in law’ difficult but I loved Teresa and thoroughly enjoyed every time I saw her.
As her health failed, our conversations would revolve around her failing body, suffering and the reality of heaven. These conversations were often brief, real, very difficult and at times great cause for concern.
Only a few weeks ago, she was saying how she didn’t want to die, how she didn’t know what heaven would be like and if she was good enough to go there!
Myself, Sharmini and the kids went into overdrive and some of you may have received more than one text requesting prayer as we sought to bring her the truth that would put her mind at rest.
We knew there is no particular message or prayer that would guarantee anything – especially seeing though she had been in a Gospel preaching church for years.
But we did all share aspects of the Gospel when the opportunity presented itself about suffering, about heaven being God’s family home and about how Jesus paid the price for entry – and for a new body. Different scriptures hit home – and we were able to share them in various ways with her
And we prayed, really prayed.
This was echoed by her church family too.
The day that Teresa was admitted to palliative care, our family went into survival mode so Sharmini could spend as much time as possible with her mum as possible. But the same morning, God planted a song deep inside me:
“We will dance on the streets that are golden – the glorious bride and the great Son of man”.
It became an anthem in our house playing over and over – I started to see more & more the world that awaited Teresa. I could imagine her dancing with freedom and happiness – free from the confines inhibitions and pains of this world – in a new body. Experiencing the fullness of the joy that Jesus purchased for her. And her being pure, spotless and accepted not because she was good enough or did enough – but because of what Jesus had done. Powerful.
It was about this time that her attitude towards death changed dramatically – and as Sharmini has mentioned she had assurance of her acceptance into heaven and was no longer scared to die.
I didn’t know it was the day she was to die, but one morning I awoke with a picture of Teresa, walking through what looked like the valley of darkness / death from Psalm 23.
But far from fear, she was hand in hand with Jesus, and it was like she was enjoying a leisurely stroll through a garden – exploring and discovering different flowers and things along the way. Her peace and delight in the moment was tangible as she walked this new part of her journey with no pain and fear.
It reminded me of a famous Psalm:
Psalms 84:5-7
What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord,
who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
When they walk through the Valley of BACA (which means weeping),
it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.
They will continue to grow stronger,
and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.
The peace Teresa had when she passed was evident to others when she passed – surrounded by her family. A family I am proud to be part of – Puvi, Sharmini, Sunita – the love care dedication support and dignity you gave Teresa in the last few weeks was absolutely amazing and very humbling.
She was blessed to have such amazing people around her as the gruesome reality of cancer over took her physical body, but thankfully it was just that – only the physical body. Her new body, the glorious body, the one without pain or suffering, was entering a different reality:
For our dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; our mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies.
Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
1 Corinthians 15:53-55
Teresa’s body no longer causes her grief or pain – it will be renewed! With a body that will never get sick and will last forever.
We have the emotional sting of her death, but the same friend, the same loving Father, is available to us all as we grieve. But the sting of death for Teresa is now gone. Spiritually the reality for her is summed up in so many places in the Bible but one I want to share with you…
Those who have been ransomed by the Lord will return.
They will enter Jerusalem singing,
crowned with everlasting joy.
Sorrow and mourning will disappear,
and they will be filled with joy and gladness.
Isaiah 35:10
Joy, gladness, singing and dancing – for eternity.
We are going to watch a photo tribute of Teresa now, with some of her memories. We know she cherished everyone and had memories with everyone here, let us remember.
But let’s not just remember with fondness and joy the amazing woman that Teresa was.
Let’s not just follow her example of giving and hospitality
But let us continually be aware of her current reality:
Where she is now and who she is dancing with – on streets that are golden.
As I live each day with a soul you have had a huge influence on, I’ll miss you incredibly Teresa,
Have a dance with Jesus for me.
See you soon
Adam