Over the last few years I have had a lot of ministry and
a lot of things have changed dramatically. A simple one that is easy to explain is below:
For as long as I could remember, when confined in very small spaces I would feel a
very slight feeling in my stomach. It was easy to ignore and I could always put on a brave face (for myself) no matter the situation. There was a few times though that I started getting a bit panicky when I couldn't get out of a tight spot. I didn't think much of it and always put it out of my mind
very quickly. Funny how we avoid the vulnerable feelings!
One day in ministry this feeling came up. I immediately went to a childhood memory where I was locked in the gas bottle chamber of a site van while people threw bricks at it. The situation wasn't life threatening, nor terribly painful - but in that moment I panicked. I couldn't move in that very tight space and couldn't get out. I didn't even have enough space to try to punch through the wall... In that moment I
believed that I was going to die, though wasn't conscious of this belief, yet.
As Jesus came in to that memory (and another much, much earlier memory), He revealed His truth to me about the situation, and the truth of it (He was in control and was right there) - the feeling of panic completely left. I was still stuck in the chamber, the bricks were still hitting it - but I felt peace, no panic. It was just a brief part of the session and I didn't think much of it.
A few weeks later, we had to clean out a water tank on the property, so I used a rope to lower myself inside. While in the bottom of the tank, some of the kids thought it would be funny to pull the rope out and shut the lid. I found it very interesting - I felt
completely peaceful. I tried to feel panicked, anxious, that feeling in my stomach - but it had completely gone. I have never had this feeling since. I could have lay down in the knee high water and slept.
This is a very 'light' example of things that have happened for me through this ministry - as you read through I will share some much deeper / more vulnerable ones :)
- Adam Keegan