This photo does two things to my heart…
It is a photo taken just after my 9yo son & I left emergency after a very difficult night. He had suffered a serious concussion and had amnesia and a possible brain bleed. I was sick, over tired and very sore but somehow – miraculously – we had just been released. All seemed to be going well…
My back is terrible from the night (read about that here), so I need to walk, but can’t go far as he is tired and should be taking things very easy. We walk over this bridge before being picked up and are amazed at the height and the engineering – the electrics and construction of the railway – but something far more powerful is vying for my attention, though I would rather ignore it:
Do you know why they are there?
I point to the metal guard rails and barrier over the lines.
He can not comprehend that some people would want to end their life prematurely. Don’t get me wrong – we talk about death a lot and most of my children at most times express that they are not scared to die – but they can’t fathom that the pain in life would be so great you would want to jump off a bridge!
I am elated – looking at this boy – that he is alive, that he loves me – that we get to share more life together…
He has so much joy, so much love, do many things he wants to do and accomplish. A full life ahead of him.
But it tears me up inside when I think that other people’s sons and daughters are so wounded, so hurting, so hopeless, that they want it all to end. And that the epidemic of this happening is so bad that it is illegal to report it in the news.
As gutted as I am – I remember what it is like. The intense desire to have the pain stop. The overwhelming feeling that there is no point. The underlying belief that I am all alone, worthless and unloved.
I look at this boy – he has has his dad by his side all night, continually telling him will be ok, he has heard from God saying “I will be with you”, he is excited and happy that he gets to go home & be with his mum who loves him, 4 brothers & a sister who all care. Then I look at that cold hard steel and the tracks below.
Heartbreaking.
I can’t put into words what I want to here & now – but I leave you with this:
What we say, how we act, what they interpret from our actions can make an impact on which side of the barrier children want to be on. I don’t claim to have the answers, in fact I make so many mistakes it horrifies me. But I know the One who changed me from wanting to be down there, to being tearfully thankful that I am up here and have precious ones the same.
I want to encourage everyone to show love in the best way they can to everybody – but especially your children. Deal with any issues that cause you to avoid intimate contact or meaningful conversations & words, purpose to show them love, unconditional love. Say sorry for the times that you offend or get it wrong…
But above all – harp on about and direct them to the Father who is always available to them. The One who can show them love and truth despite our failures and many faults.
For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.
Hebrews 12:10 (NLT)
Again, I am deeply thankful for the ministry process that we have access to. At times, I have heard issues the children have had in memories and I was the person who wronged them. Listening to the lies that they take on about themselves due to my actions is not nice – but I know what is coming!
To hear the way God speaks to them, resolving the lies and speaking His Biblical truth is amazing. He really is the perfect Father! I have heard them say things like:
“God just said that it is ok, He loves me even if dad doesn’t. But dad does, he’s just wounded and reacted badly”
WOW! Even though I make mistakes, He loves them. Knowing this experientially, not just logically, had enabled me to release them fully in to His care. Sure I want to better myself, sure I want to always do what is right by them – but I can’t and don’t. But He does! Out of the thanks I have for Him for being like this with me AND now them – gives reason to pursue more and more the healing and truth He has for me.
May we all encourage one another to walk and live in a way that honours Him and shows genuine love for others. And may we reach out with love to those around, whether children or parents, who are in so much pain that can’t see the end of the tunnel only the cold hard tracks.
We have a hope and an answer in Him who is love and eternal for those who are hopeless and hurting. May we purpose to reveal Him to the world.
Lord may we see what our words & actions do to the precious ones around us. Give us wisdom & strength to deal with the stuff that affects us so that we treat people as You want – as we want to, but find so hard at times. ThankYou for Your Son who willing crossed the barrier for us. May we not be skimpy with our own interaction with You and may we be generous in the way we share You with others.
Notes:
If you need help or are suicidal, please talk to someone, call a hotline – a friend – anyone, right now. Death is final and you have more worth than you know. You are loved and special!
Lifeline: 131114 24 hours.
Lifelink: 08 9381 5555 / Free Country 1800 198 313 24 hours.
http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/australia-suicide-hotlines.html