For those I have not personally thanked: I wanted to say a HUGE THANK YOU!
The last 2 years have been the hardest of my life, but for those who have helped practically and prayed / sent love – I am deeply, deeply grateful. From myself, Sharmini and the children – thank you – I would not have made it without your support.
For nearly a year I could not get up – I was literally confined to a table in the front room lying on my stomach. Even a short stint upright on crutches had major consequences. It was deeply humbling for me – even more so when people who cared visited.
In the worst times I would have taken any substance offered to lessen the pain – I simply could not handle it. Your prayers were heard. I don’t say that I made it through as I really didn’t. I wanted to die, despite taking anything and everything they prescribed (which was totally against my conviction). So many times I nearly called the ambulance as had been directed – even though it would likely end in me being cripple for good if I did.
My poor wife had to experience me being so low and totally out of action. The man she married to take care of her & support her, completely useless & beside himself, wanting to die. Unable to move or work or travel or even think straight and definitely not leading the family in anything including towards God.
I am deeply grateful for her response: she prayed & asked her friends to do the same. She took up the slack around the home & led the kids in all kinds of jobs she didn’t know about. She parented for two and tried to help me in whatever way she could. And she kept not only relying on God – but serving Him.
I am so thankful for Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) and all the leaders and amazing people there. Sharmini was able to keep her head above water through this time thanks in part for the way God used BSF and you all. It was continually humbling to hear of the families who were supporting us in prayer – many showing true friendship despite us never having done anything for them. It’s through the darkest valleys that you realise who your friends really are, who has true love and who the One that never fails is!
He heard your prayers – and He kept me going. They were also responsible for me getting the operation I needed in incredible timing, by the surgeon we were told was the only one capable of reliably doing a good job. It happened at a time when all surgeries had been canceled – the things that God did were incredible.
For those who don’t know, they planned to fuse the lowest disc (L5/S1) as it was bone on bone. They hoped to insert a titanium disc at the level above it. It didn’t quite go to plan, ending up with a double fusion. Diagram of a single disc fusion L3
They had to go through the front, removing the intestines to gain access. They then ground out what was left of the discs and inserted two titanium cages at each level. They then drilled into the vertebrae above and below the disc area and bolted a shaft in place. My back had collapsed so much that I am now 2cm taller just from these two levels! (If you are looking to be taller this is *not* the way to do it!)
As the operation took so long, the intestines were quite swollen when they stuffed them all back in. The next few weeks was incredibly painful after eating – nothing wanted to move. It actually felt like I was being poisoned every time I ate.
I also stopped some of the medication in the first week and didn’t realise how much that would affect me. Apparently that could have been lethal – I can tell you it did not feel good! But I got through it…only finding out that was what was wrong until I had come off.
It’s just over two months since the operation & my guts have settled down to nearly normal. I can walk slowly without crutches and can sit down for short periods. I am also allowed to drive for short distances.
I do have to be extremely careful now. As the two main joints are unable to move, bending or lifting adds a lot of extra pressure to the other discs. My whole spine has been over worked so not in great condition. I keep saying I should be able to lift more now as I have a titanium spine, but the surgeon disagrees for some reason!
The pain is worst when lying down / trying to sleep and cold weather chills the metal & causes some muscle spasms, but I am in a far, far better place pain-wise than before. I am told that I should be fully recovered from most of the side effects of the operation in the next few months. Pain wise it should get a little easier, though will never be back to pain free. By way of comparison: Even on 3 strains of pain relief at the maximum allowed dose, I was at 9.5 – 10 for 20+ hours per day, my feet felt like they were going to explode, my shins on fire & the deep pain of bone on bone hard to describe.
Now I am around 3-6 most of the day & around 7-8 at night. Only taking 1 type of pain relief, nearly minimum dose during the day and only ¾ of what I was on at night. Moving while lying down is extremely painful and sleep is difficult, but again I am much better off and able to cope.
As always, God has used every single step of the journey this last couple of years, despite my lack and inability. There has been some emotional hurts from people as well – but God has even used that to reveal areas where we needed to grow and put our time and energy elsewhere. (I am putting down some things that we have learnt over the last two years…I may post it at some stage.)
As always with God, even when we are unfaithful, He does not deny Himself. For those who follow, there is no such thing as a ‘bad’ situation – He uses it all.
I am looking forward to being able to get back into being able to do what He wants us to.
May He bless each & every one of you. May He guide & empower you for every good work He has planned for you in this time… And again – thank you!
But the word of God cannot be chained.
So I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in Christ Jesus to those God has chosen.
This is a trustworthy saying:
If we die with him,
we will also live with him.
If we endure hardship,
we will reign with him.
If we deny him,
he will deny us.
If we are unfaithful,
he remains faithful,
for he cannot deny who he is.
(2 Timothy 2:7-20)