Rachael Denhollander Vitim or Victor
Rachael Denhollander
Victim or Victor?
Today, I read an excerpt from former gymnast Rachael Denhollander’s victim impact statement. It was moving and powerful to say the least. Having spent much time with survivors of sexual abuse her words reveal so much to both those struggling, those abusing and those in charge of making sure others are protected.
It is so incredibly sad that so many precious young lives had to be tainted so deeply before this case came to light. It always grips me when I see people who have been wounded by the people who were meant to love them.
The life-changing and dramatic impact that sexual abuse has on a person is hard to imagine, describe or come to terms with.
As an aside I want to encourage any reading this who are still struggling - help exists and healing is possible. Not denial, not endless groups and therapy - but real and lasting transformation where the guilt, shame and pain are gone. Where the reactions are manageable or even non existent. Where loving and being loved and vulnerable come easy.
In Rachel’s statement you will recognise a level of healing and restoration which is great - in my opinion only possible with Jesus Christ. While she was a victim, she is operating with valour and in many peoples eyes, is a victor!
I love the line she walks in forgiveness of her perpetrator, sharing the Gospel with him, though revealing the need for his earthly punishment. The woman has opened herself and her family up to incredible pressure and attack for the sake of others - true valour and selflessness.
Interestingly, when I have witnessed people in ministry get true resolve of their pain - the first response to the perpetrator is that of compassion. It is incredible - not a forced decide to forgive, release or ‘forget’ - but true compassion and love for them. When Jesus transforms, the natural reaction is to love.
If you are a survivor that struggles continually, continue cautiously - it contains triggering information (especially in the link to the full excerpt of her statement).
Conclusion: Jesus heals
PRAYER: May we all seek for God to heal us with The Truth (Jesus), so that His love would flow freely through us.
Click READ MORE to see the statement
STATEMENT EXCERPT:
“You have become a man ruled by selfish and perverted desires, a man defined by his daily choices repeatedly to feed that selfishness and perversion. You chose to pursue your wickedness no matter what it cost others and the opposite of what you have done is for me to choose to love sacrificially, no matter what it costs me.
In our early hearings. you brought your Bible into the courtroom and you have spoken of praying for forgiveness. And so it is on that basis that I appeal to you.
If you have read the Bible you carry, you know the definition of sacrificial love portrayed is of God himself loving so sacrificially that he gave up everything to pay a penalty for the sin he did not commit. By his grace, I, too, choose to love this way.
You spoke of praying for forgiveness. But Larry, if you have read the Bible you carry, you know forgiveness does not come from doing good things, as if good deeds can erase what you have done. It comes from repentance which requires facing and acknowledging the truth about what you have done in all of its utter depravity and horror without mitigation, without excuse, without acting as if good deeds can erase what you have seen this courtroom today.
If the Bible you carry says it is better for a stone to be thrown around your neck and you throw into a lake than for you to make even one child stumble. And you have damaged hundreds.
The Bible you speak carries a final judgment where all of God's wrath and eternal terror is poured out on men like you. Should you ever reach the point of truly facing what you have done, the guilt will be crushing. And that is what makes the gospel of Christ so sweet. Because it extends grace and hope and mercy where none should be found. And it will be there for you.
I pray you experience the soul crushing weight of guilt so you may someday experience true repentance and true forgiveness from God, which you need far more than forgiveness from me -- though I extend that to you as well.
Throughout this process, I have clung to a quote by C.S. Lewis, where he says, my argument against God was that the universe seems so cruel and unjust. But how did I get this idea of just, unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he first has some idea of straight. What was I comparing the universe to when I called it unjust?
Larry, I can call what you did evil and wicked because it was. And I know it was evil and wicked because the straight line exists. The straight line is not measured based on your perception or anyone else's perception, and this means I can speak the truth about my abuse without minimization or mitigation. And I can call it evil because I know what goodness is. And this is why I pity you. Because when a person loses the ability to define good and evil, when they cannot define evil, they can no longer define and enjoy what is truly good.
When a person can harm another human being, especially a child, without true guilt, they have lost the ability to truly love. Larry, you have shut yourself off from every truly beautiful and good thing in this world that could have and should have brought you joy and fulfillment, and I pity you for it. You could have had everything you pretended to be. Every woman who stood up here truly loved you as an innocent child, real genuine love for you, and it did not satisfy.
I have experienced the soul satisfying joy of a marriage built on sacrificial love and safety and tenderness and care. I have experienced true intimacy in its deepest joys, and it is beautiful and sacred and glorious. And that is a joy you have cut yourself off from ever experiencing, and I pity you for it.
I have been there for young gymnasts and helped them transform from awkward little girls to graceful, beautiful, confident athletes and taken joy in their success because I wanted what was best for them. And this is a joy you have cut yourself off from forever because your desire to help was nothing more than a facade for your desire to harm.
I have lived the deep satisfaction of wrapping my small children up in my arms and making them feel safe and secure because I was safe, and this is a rich joy beyond what I can express, and you have cut yourself off from it, because you were not safe. And I pity you for that.
In losing the ability to call evil what it is without mitigation, without minimization, you have lost the ability to define and enjoy love and goodness. You have fashioned for yourself a prison that is far, far worse than any I could ever put you in, and I pity you for that.
And this is also why in many ways, your honor, the worst part of this process was each name, each number who came forward to the police with each Jane Doe, I saw my little girls and the little girls that were. The little girls who walked into Larry's office that I could not save because no one wanted to listen. And while that is not my guilt, it is pain I still carry and pain I share with them.
I cried for them, and with every tear that fell I wondered who is going to find these little girls, who is going to tell them how much they are worth, how valuable they are, how deserving of justice and protection?
Who is going to tell these little girls that what was done to them matters? That they are seen and valued, that they are not alone and they are not unprotected? And I could not do that ,but we are here now and today that message can be sent with the sentence you hand down you can communicate to all these little girls and to every predator to every little girl or young woman who is watching how much a little girl is worth.
I am asking that we leave this courtroom we leave knowing that when Larry was sexually aroused and gratified by our violation, when he enjoyed our suffering and took pleasure in our abuse, that it was evil and wrong.
I ask that you hand down a sentence that tells us that what was done to us matters, that we are known, we are worth everything, worth the greatest protection the law can offer, the greatest measure of justice available.”
Full Statement:
https://edition.cnn.com/2018/01/24/us/rachael-denhollander-full-statement/
NOTES: I